


I Can’t Lose You Again

by OtherThingsInHead



Series: Full of Love and Lies [3]
Category: Javier Pena - Fandom, Narcos (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fanfiction, Fluff, Language, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 21:59:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18485212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtherThingsInHead/pseuds/OtherThingsInHead
Summary: "He was in connection with Javier by the radio and judging by his expressions you could tell that everything went nice and smooth. Stilling your mind, you calmed yourself. Then you saw the agent’s face going pale and ghastly. He looked askance at you, took off his headset and handed it to you."





	I Can’t Lose You Again

“Can we sit?” You asked squirming inside under the overpowering gaze of Javier.

You pulled out a chair as he walked to the kitchen and took a sip from your coffee then watched him sit to the table leaning back in his chair.

“I’m all ears.” He said and you knew it was time to fill him completely in.

When Judy had asked for Javier’s help he had said that the only way he was helping was if she gave up the Cali Cartel. Los Pepes had thought she would have betrayed them so they had made her choose: leave the country or death. You had followed her with her daughter to the US but had come back after Escobar’s death. Medellín has become the safest city in Colombia but not for Judy.

“She wants to come back too but she can’t until the Cali Cartel is a threat to her life. You’ve already caught Gilberto but apparently, it’s not enough so… Miguel promised his help and protection to her and her family if…”

“…if you marry him?!” He finished your sentence when you left the words hanging.

“He wants assurance that Judy won’t turn against them.”

“Then why didn’t she marry her daughter to him?”

“Miguel is not interested in Bianca. He has been aching for me since we met on the night of Gilberto’s big announcement.”

Javier smiled and his smile surprised you. He wasn’t mad as you expected. No, he seemed relieved. The look in his small, dark eyes turned a little softer as the gentle feeling of his affection for you shone through them.

“Of course, he is.” He said and cupping your chin with his fingertips gently he leaned in for a sweet, passionate kiss. The tension you held eased with the sensation of his soft lips and you wished they could have stayed on yours forever.

“Why didn’t you tell me that?” He asked softly against your lips.

“I didn’t want to beg for your help like last time. I wanted to offer mine and… it didn’t seem relevant.” You answered sheepishly, staring into the cup in your hands rather than into his magical gaze.

“I’m so sorry.” He murmured as he caught a glint of tear in your eyes. “I know I promised I won’t let anything bad happen to you and... fuck... I became the worst.”

“No! No, Javi! You’re the best thing ever happened to me.” You said and took his hands, smiling.

Your words melted his heart and made him want to tell you how much he still loves you, to confess he needs you by his side, that he wants you to marry him. But it wasn’t the right time nor the appropriate way. So he gave a light squeeze to your hands and kissed you in a way that had you shaking and letting out a soft moan.

There was a loud knock on the door causing you both to remember the mission that was waiting for you and soon you were on the way to the location of the meeting. 

When you arrived, Javier gave a briefing to the team then led you to a van. You’ve been in dangerous situations before but you felt unusually nervous. Anything could go wrong and if it happens you’re dead. Or worst.

“Stay here with agent Moreno. I’ll be in touch on his radio.” Javier said and tightened a strap on his bulletproof vest.

“Please, be very careful Javi.” You begged fighting back the lump in your throat.

“I’ll be fine, I promise.” He said catching your hands in his before placing a light kiss on the top of your head.

“It’s time!” A distant voice came and Javier quickly pecked your lips then walked away, through the gates of the building.

You sat in the van, hands wringing, wishing Javier come back soon with the cuffed Miguel. Agent Moreno sat next to you with a headset on his ears. He was in connection with Javier by the radio and judging by his expressions you could tell that everything went nice and smooth. Stilling your mind, you calmed yourself. Then you saw the agent’s face going pale and ghastly. He looked askance at you, took off his headset and handed it to you.

Your body shivered in horror and you could swear your heart stopped beating. With shaking hands, you took the headsets but you couldn’t speak. Your mouth gaped open but no voice came out. You swallowed.

“Sweet, sweet Y/N!” Miguel’s voice was like poisoned honey, made you feel week and unsteady and suddenly you felt as if the entire world was spinning with you.

“You killed them?” You managed the words through your throat tight with emotion and the fear that you might send Javier to his death.

“What kind of people do you think I am?” He said, allowing you to let out a sigh of relief at his words.

“What do you want?”

“Join us and I’ll tell you.” He answered and made your heart shrink as he added: “Try no more sly tricks on me, little girl. There’s a special guest here waiting for her mommy.”

Two men were waiting for you on the other side of the gates. They led you through the garden into the building until you reached the living room where you found the team disarmed and surrounded by men pointing their guns at them. Your gaze shifted to Javier’s. His eyes piercing and dark with confusion and fear. You knew what he was thinking or at least you thought you knew but you couldn’t deal with that issue. You were just happy to see him alive and well.

You felt your knees weaken with every step you took towards the office to meet the man who had caused you so much trouble. Miguel was at his desk and there was David too, Miguel’s son, trying to spin his gun in his hand but struggling to catch it cleanly.

“Do you always show up on your dates with an army?” David asked with a mocking laugh which you tried not to hear. You just rolled your eyes, took a deep breath and turned to Miguel.

“How did you know?”

“I called you back last night. Not much after we talked on the phone.” He answered and poured some drink to himself. “I was confused because Bianca told me that you weren’t home and you won’t be back until the next day. So I was wondering: what would a beautiful lady like you, do on a night before her date? He said drinking up his gin.” You shuddered.

“What did you do to them? Where are they?” Your voice tensed as you felt your chest tightened by anxiety.

“They’re fine. Your daughter is with your cousin in the room next to this.” Miguel said and turned the monitor on his desk.

You couldn’t hold back the tears as you saw your baby on the screen. She looked so happy as she played with Bianca.

“Please, Miguel! They’re innocent. Please, don’t do this! What do you want?” You cried with growing anger and despair.

“He wants you to suffer, little cunt!” David spat through gritted teeth from beside you, pressing the barrel of his gun against your temple. Slowly you turned so you could face him. A cold glint flashed across your eyes.

“Pull the trigger now or get this gun out of my face!” You snarled enraging him further and causing him to switch off the safety.

“Put the gun down!” Miguel said, clearly annoyed by his son’s hotheaded temper.

“Let me take care of this whore, I promise she’ll beg for you, dad.”

“I said, put it down!” He yelled this time walking a few steps closer to you.

David’s hand lowered with the gun and you felt Miguel’s fingers working their way into your hair. His touch disguised you more than David’s impish grin.

“We could have been such a nice family but you decided to betray me.” The tone of his voice became gentle, almost apologetic. “I like you, Y/N. I still want you. And I can forgive you. In return, I ask only one thing.”

Javier had been left with a nagging doubt rising within him and you could feel his dark eyes like a palpable warmth on you as you stepped to the living room followed by Miguel and David. Laying against the wall you watched as Miguel walked to him.

Your eyes jerked from Javier to David who was playing with his gun like before and you realized that you had one chance to take control of the situation. Or make it worse. Your eyes were fixed on the spinning gun and every time it flew up to the air your heart stopped beating. Time was slipping quickly and you had to make a choice what your body had been already decided. Javier took out the warrant from his side pocket to hand it to Miguel and you knew you had no more time.

Once again the gun was in the air and you reached out for it as swift as a coiling serpent. Before it could land in David’s hand it was in yours. With a quick kick on the back of his knee, you forced him to the floor and pressed the gun against his temple. The tension that bound the room was almost unbearable and sensing the fear nourished your strength to go on.

“Tell your guards to lower their guns.”

“You’re making a big mistake, Y/N.” Miguel hesitated.

“I don’t think so.”

“I can understand you’re upset, but… come on, Y/N. We all know you wouldn’t pull the trigger.” He said walking towards your direction a few steps hoping that he could dissuade you from putting his plans at risk. But all he earned from you was a threatening snort that made the hair rise on his back.

“Are you sure you want to underestimate what a mother is capable when her child is in danger?” You hissed, almost whispering but loud enough to be heard by Javier. His eyes widened and fixed on you. A slow frown of realization creeping into his face.

“Dad?!” David squeaked breaking the silence that had been held for many seconds and Miguel finally signaled to his men with a sigh of surrender.

As the situation had turned you handed the gun to an agent and swiftly made your way to the room through the office followed closely by Javier. It felt like your heart was pounding out of your chest when you turned the knob and pushed on the door.

The strength that had kept you moving now was gone and you barely could make two stumbling steps before you fell on your knees. As soon as your eyes met with your daughter’s, she laughed and lunged herself into your arms.

“Oh, baby!” The words were blurred by your sobbing and her shoulder against your mouth as you embraced her. You felt your whole body shake around the little girl.

“I love you, I love you so much, I won’t let you alone again I promise.” You cooed kissing her soft cheeks.

She was little more than a year old and she seemed confused by your burst of emotion but eventually, she found your sobbing funny. Her laughter brought a smile to your face and filled your chest with warmth.

Trying to wipe the tears from her eyes, Bianca apologized between sobs. You couldn’t be mad at her. She was too young, too naive and it wasn’t her fault she got trapped into this. You grabbed her wrist and pulled the frightened girl against you, calming her with soothing words and kisses.

The warm touch made you shiver as Javier laid his hand upon your shoulder. Gently, carefully, trying not to shatter the intimate moment.

We should go now. Was all he said before he wrapped one of his arms around your shoulder and helped you on your feet.

There was so much thing to say and so few words to express. Javier’s mind went numb with the events and informations of the day and he couldn’t deal with the swirling emotions in his heart. He had so much to ask, so much to confess and so much to do. A question was hanging in the air, a question he wasn’t ready to face with so he decided to focus on his work, the only thing that could pull him out of his dazzled and confused state of mind.

He always went with reason over his heart, but when it came to you it was different. So much different. Because every time he had listened to his brain instead, both of you got hurt.

Bianca and you sat out on the porch for many hours after Emilia fell asleep. She was so exhausted she needed five minutes to slip into a deep and peaceful slumber. 

Don Berna was really generous to Judy’s daughter when he offered her a remarkable house in Bogota. Moving into with her was a reasonable move. She was alone and she needed you just as much as you needed her. Raising a baby could be very difficult especially for a single mom. First time for many years you felt safe and the only thing that suffocated you was the thorn of uncertainty in your heart. You needed to breathe. You really needed to breathe.

A jeep rolled into the driveway and there he was. Javier came as the gulp of air you needed so desperately. He walked to you and stopped, hands on hips, head cocked to the side, tongue tracing the lips.

“Can we talk?” He asked but as the last word left his mouth you clung to his neck with a tight hug.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” Your voice was hoarse and shaky. “There’s so much thing I want to tell you.”

“I know.” He said sitting to the bench next to you.

All the things you wanted to say was stirring behind your brain like a live thing. Where should you begin? How? You wanted to open your mouth and pour the thoughts into words but you found your heart so heavy and your tongue stiffen.

“I thought I got you really figured out, and you just keep surprising me.” Javier started and your heart sunk. He wasn’t the man of words and you weren’t ready for another breakup. This thought had stuck like a thick knot in your throat, and your eyes were suddenly wet.

“So... You have a daughter.” He smiled. “Yeah. How old is she?”

“15 months.”

“What’s her name?”

“Emilia.” The words came with difficulty to your lips but you gathered whatever strength had left inside you and swallowed down the tears.

“I should have told you, but... I couldn’t find the appropriate moment and...”

“And it didn’t seem relevant, huh?”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no.” He shook his head. “It’s ok, you don’t have to apologize.” He chuckled softly as he glanced up at you then he continued:

“Once I had a chance to get married and have a family of my own but... I gave it up for my work.” He sighed and paused for a moment then turned, taking your hands into his owns.

“I don’t want to make that same mistake with you. I know, it’s been a long time since we... since I pushed you away and... we changed a lot. I changed a lot. You might change more, but...” He chuckled nervously to himself causing you to giggle like a child and tears to cascade down your cheeks.

“But... there’s something that never changed.” The tone of his voice became much more serious and deeper if it was possible but laced with soft fondness.

“I love you.” He stated and as your head jerked to meet his warm gaze you could tell that he meant it.

“I’ve never stopped loving you and... I know it’s more complicated now, that you have a daughter, but... I can’t lose you again. So... do you think, you can give me a chance with you? With... both of you?”

You let out a deep breath you didn't know you were holding inside and fell into his arms, holding on tight as he hugged you back so hard it hurt. You didn't care. The world stopped spinning and everything came to a halt. There was nothing just two hearts beating against one another.

“Did you say 15 months?” He asked as he eased into the hug. Your heart shrunk with fear of what you were yet to say.

“Y/N?” He called you waiting for an answer. “She’s not... sh-she can’t be... Right?” 

“She was born 9 months after our trip to Peru.”

“But... how? Are you sure?” His eyes widening, such a shudder rippling through him. You nodded in response.

“So... you were pregnant when...”

“I didn’t know! I promise! I only realized after we left Colombia and... I-I was in pain. I was mourning our relationship and I-I didn’t know what to do... I should have told you. I know I should have but... you made it clear you didn’t want anything from me and I didn’t want you to feel like you owe me or something. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Tears began to well in your eyes again and you tried hard to read the expression through your blurred vision.

“Javi?! A-are you ok? Tell me something! Anything.” You entreated him.

“I have a daughter.”

“Yeah. Yes, you... have a daughter.” You muttered timidly, still insecure about his feelings.

His beautiful eyes bore into yours as he put a delicate finger under your chin, gently tilting up your head so his lips could meet yours for a moment.

“We... have a daughter.” He whispered, smiling down at you through his dark, thick lashes before pulling you back to his lips, washing away all the guilty feelings from your soul as you merged into a kiss full of love and hope.


End file.
